Maybe some of you have been watching the Terminator for TV debacle known as the Sarah Conner Chronicals. I don't think anyone could replace the Governator so I have tuned out and like the TV show borrowed a title and premise; the machines are taking over!!!!
Lately I have spent many hours on the phone sorting out some problem or another with my cell phone, credit card, or cable. Inevitably the first part of my journey to the brink of insanity starts with a machine trying to answer my questions.
"Just say the name of the department you would like to speak with and I will connect you", says the creepy non-region-specific-40-year-old-women-computer voice.
OK I'll give it a shot and answer, "billing".
"Did you say sales? If this is the department you want just say yes."
"What!!, NO!!"
"I'm sorry I'm having trouble understanding you please say yes or no."
"Ahhhhhh! NO, NO, NO, NO!"
"I'm sorry I still can't understand you did you say, 'please continue to ask me questions and never let me talk to a real person until you hang-up' Little Man?"
"No, no, no, no!" Did the non-region-specific-40-year-old-woman-computer-voice just call me a little man?
"Alright I will connect you to our sales department right now."
It is at this point I've learned that screaming in gibberish in the phone is the quickest route to a real person, my conversation usually goes like this.
"Bob Blahlaw's law blog, rikitikitembonosariguchipipperipembo hindu hindu rackamatack now now ahahahahahaha hhHAHAHAH AHHAHAH AHAHAHA!"
I'm connected to someone in India who understands me even less and I wonder how I could be transfered back to the creepy non-region-specific-40-year-old-woman-computer-voice.
This long winded post is meant to highlight one theory of mine, the machines are starting to take over. Do you ever wonder if the machine understands you but is just messing with you. Maybe I'm just paranoid but I think they are after us. They are training us to become machines. Just listen to someone talking to one of the "machines" all of the sudden we start talking in a monotone machine like voice.
So, all the John Conners of the world unite and reject the machines. Try my gibberish trick and you'll be talking to a real person in no time, the only drawback is you have to be prepared to speak hindi.
2 comments:
My favorite is: "You live in America, but please tell me if you'd like to talk to someone in your native tongue, or if you prefer your country's second unofficial language".
aw man, i hate it when i get the people in India, I say, "are you in India" and if they say yes I automaticlly hang up and keep calling till I get an american. Sometimes they say "no" and I hang up on them cause their lieing.. it's like, come on. Obviously you didn't understand what I just said, how in the world can you begine to help me with a complicated question.
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