Clear Clear!!!

It's flat-lining Dr. I think it's to late

Clear! Clear! Thump Thump... and 1 and 2 and 3 breath damn you breathe.....

Doctor I think we lost him

"What I Really Mean IS..." never gave up on me so I'm not giving up on it

Breathe don't give up you still have so much life ahead of you

Something Important For You And Me

Lexi and I are trying to jump start our State Farm career and we could use your help.  I need to sell 20 life insurance policies by the end of the year.  Wait, wait - don't run just yet; here are the reasons this could help you too.

1.$250,000 of coverage only costs you $20 a month and is one of the markets best rates.

2.If you don't have life insurance and you have kids you should have coverage.

3. Most likely you don't have enough coverage to pay off your mortgage or support your family.  Fill out this short calculator to figure how much you should have.

4. If you started the policy and held it only for two months it would still be a great help.

5. All that is required is about 10 questions and one month of payment.

This is the first and last time I will use this forum to push my wares but if you let me quote your insurance it would be the biggest help.

Just send me an email or call me if you are interested.  

jefflward@gmail.com

425-381-5632

If you think "life insurance smife insurance" than enjoy the pictures on the blog because we might not be able to afford the blogger subscription anymore :(   

I hope you know I'm kidding if you aren't interested no big whoop.

Do You Ever Check...

..your own blog to see if there are any new postings?  I do.  Maybe I think that I would have put a new posting up and totaly forgot it was there.  More likely I surf the net like a blind robot and just click on it out of habit.

The Verdict

After I posted this Lexi asked her father what his opinion on the matter was.  Being a very hands off kind of guy he declined to give his opinion saying he better stay out of it. 

Lo and behold two days ago a present for the new baby comes in the mail (ordered 1 week ago) a video baby monitor.  Funny huh.  I guess if I don't have to pay the $100 why not.

Babys Have Rights Too

Recently Lexi and I have a little debate about how much survelience is appropriate for the little baby on the way. What if the little tot wants a little privacy without big brother watching, really I should say big daddy I have put on a few pounds.

Actually the real debate is if a standard audio monitor is sufficient or should we go high tech with video or thermal monitors. For mothers out there shield your eyes from this next sentance, if you notice through a thermal monitor that your child is no longer emitting heat I'm sorry it is probably too late.

The real reason to have a monitor is to see if the child has woken up and is crying. Once you start adding video and more I think you begin to feed the paranoid side and you start looking at the monitor every 20 minutes.

So what is the verdict is it worth an extra $100 for a video monitor?

My Day, In Poetry

I was so bored while sitting through my required 80 hours of insurance education so to avoid dying I made a few poems. First the Haiku

1st Haiku

Slater School of Insurance,
life's longest eight hours,
I'd prefer water boarding.

2nd Haiku

The clocks hand it moves backward.
Has boredom ever killed?
let the lecturer die first.

3rd Haiku

Haiku hell, definition:
So bored I write this,
yet, Japanese poems fail.

After I told Lexi my Haiku she told me to try a limerick

The chances a limerick time will fill,
nine, nine, five, five, nein, no, never, nil
The meter its true
has something to do
with the speed arrived at boredom still.

THEY Created A Monster

I never really got the rivalry with Utah and BYU until I started going to the U. I grew up with a cougar football poster on my wall like every good mormon boy does but I have since seen the light. When every cougar fan hears I like the U or went there they all start trashing and belittling my alma mater.

Well, as of this year I still wish BYU well with their quest for the BCS but when we meet on the last game of the year I hope the crush their dreams because the Utes are a better team. The BCS rankings are determined by an average of 6 computer (unbiased) rankings, the AP poll, and the Harris coaches poll. Four of the 6 computer rankings are posted and I don't see BYU in any of the top 5.

But wait who do I see..... (click on the Poll names to see the complete rankings)



Colley
1. Alabama
2. Vanderbilt
3. Utah
4. Texas
5. Northwestern

Massey
1. Alabama
2. Northwestern
3. Vanderbilt
4. Utah
5. Boise State

Sagarin
1. Alabama
2. Utah
3. LSU
4. Boise State
5. Oklahoma

Billingsley
1. LSU
2. Oklahoma
3. Alabama
4. USC
5. Missouri

THE U WILL CRUSH BYU

Utes vs Beavers or Palin vs Biden or Baby Ute

Decisions, decisions, what should I do. Thursday night my Utes play the beavers that recently dethroned USC and the Vice Presidential debates take place. In addition to all this my wife and I have are third semester class that night so I have a plan.

I will listen to the Utes on the radio but tell my wife I'm listening to the Vice Presidential debates because it's my civic duty while I'm in the third trimester debate.

I am so smart SMRT. (you have to say the last line in a Homer Simpson voice)

I Swear I'm Not A Robot

Have you ever stared at a word verification and had no idea what letters or numbers you were looking at. Today I entered in a word verification literally 20 times until I could get it right. I swear I'm not a robot I'm a real person please let me past your word verification. In the end it turns out I was putting the verification in the password box but still half the verifications looked like a Picasso alphabet. All this said I have a word verification because you might be a robot unless you can prove otherwise.

Did I Just Rub That On My Face Or Eat It.

Jim Gaffigan is a very funny comedian check out this routine.

I was thinking about this routine after I ate at Taco Bell the other night and while tasty the consequences had me feeling much the same.

"The Breast Is Best"

According to PETA good restaurants should stop using cows milk and start using human breast milk.  Check this article out.   What should Ben and Jerry's name their new breast milk ice cream, I suggest PETA Puker or Milk My Mama.

What Can Awake The Blogging Beast

Oh Yeah it's that time!! See you after February 1st.

My Old Man and The Mounted Stallions

No it's not the title of a forgotten Hemingway novel it's the almost title of my Dad's motor cycle gang.


So my Dad told me that a half dozen of his 50 and up friends were looking for a name to put on their leather jackets. The oldest rider suggested, "The Mounted Stallions". When my Dad told me we both laughed pretty hard but I'm not sure if we were laughing for the same reasons and I don't really want to ask.

I love Call Girls and My Wife

what am I saying?!!

When I was studying for my final my wife came up with an awesome way to remember a boring formula. C > S - X, at first glance it looks like call girls are greater than sex. Which is to say the price of a call is greater than the stock price minus the strike price. All very boring but at least I made you look.

So, I love my wife for helping me remember this formula and apparently I love call girls.

Ben's Joke

My brother-in-law is a very funny guy and here is a joke he made up, I love it. I think it would make a great comic.

A sadistic clown walks into a dark woods with a little boy. The boy says, "I'm Scared". The clown looks at him and says, "You're scared? I'm the one walking back alone!"

Morbid I know but admit it, you did laugh.

My Favorite Clips From "Hot Rod"

This is the scene directly after the Kevin Karaoke one.

Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick Tock

For the past ten years, no exaggeration, I have been quoting a mystery movie, "tick tock tick tock tick tock" with my creepy villainous voice. I haven't been able to remember which movie it came from. Every time I would say it I would quiz whoever was around me to see where it came from.

Finally, last night I saw the movie I had only seen one time back in 1992, "Silence of The Lambs". I freaked out when Hannibal said the line. Most of you have had something on the tip of your tongue for a day but how many of you have had it on the tip of your tongue for 16 years!!! I feel like I just scratched an unscratchable itch. Hallelujah!!!!!

First Flashback Friday Ever!

Driving back from school I just heard 3 cool songs in a row that I had completely forgotten about. While Blind Melon, Elastica, and Bush played over the airwaves images of cruising in my Dad's Jeep, towing the boat with the windows down swept over me,I was feeling like a teenager again.

The D.J.'s voice broke in and ripped me from the carefree 90's of my teenage years, "Your listening to 'The 90's at Noon'.....", oh crap. I'm that guy! I realized that I have become that guy insists the best songs were written when he was in highschool. That guy that talks about all the music of yesteryear while the younger guy looks on in pity afraid to burst his bubble. I'm "Bubble Boy" surrounded by the safe familiar plastic protection of the decades gone by. I remember listening to the "80's Old School Lunch", but now it's my turn.

I guess it's time to buy a mini-van, move to the burbs and embrace the future. At least all the car commercial song's are the ones I like, there has to be some advantage to getting older.

In homage to all the late 90's rockers I'm posting a link to my Brother's old band "Sofa", the song is "Stealing Chicken" and still is in rotation on my ipod.

Jeff 1, Bestbuy -1

Don't ever buy the store warranties!

When Lexi and I bought our new laptop they tried to sell us the Bestbuy service plan warranty for an extra $100. The sceptical bargin hunter that I am had read in Consumer Reports how it never makes sense to buy them declined.

Fast forward a couple weeks and our computer won't charge. Acer's website kindly told us to take our computer into Bestbuy to be serviced as long as it was under the manufacturer warranty.

Jeff 1, Bestbuy o

Most stores try to sell you "store warranties" that offer little to no benefit. Like this example it just overlaps an existing warranty.

Also check out this perpetual coupon that can always be printed I found on my favorite website, www.Lifehacker.com. I don't get any points for this but it can't be good for Bestbuy so...

Jeff 1, Bestbuy -1

Jeffer out!